Every news program which, since the media’s embrace of advanced subliminal messaging techniques back just before subsidized time (and incidentally, the digital wave engineers had in the interim gotten so adept at inserting the invisible messages that there was currently more unconscious than conscious content being sent out over the air into the impressionable minds of the populace with the most discernible and pleasing results - that subliminal messaging doesn’t work for the short term has been proven but there’s also empirical evidence as compiled by the late J.O. Incandeza, as well as others, that long term exposure over time to uneducated and overly bombarded people can lead to the most desirable commercial results - leading to measurable GDP growth quarter after quarter), almost everyone watched, aired basically the exact same story as read by the two or three official news anchors left. There were thousands and even perhaps tens of thousands of channels being sent out in dozens of different ways and formats, but as with professional sports, newscasters had decided (in a rare show of equanimity and solidarity way back in The Year of the Tuck’s Medicated Pad) to open up their field to a free agency style bidding which led to major networks first to stonewall then get into bidding wars before finally having to pool their resources to hire the most sought after talent in the industry. Now, any job requiring even the least bit of technical expertise was open to contract. In fact, the only people still inculcated with an unfettered allegiance toward their employers were the workers it would hurt the most, low-wage employees. It was a wonder because the reverse was never true. Owners and managers never valued workers as much as the workers did them. Somehow, the obvious fact that in a real democracy employees should be just as much owners in the organizations they work at as the founder, CEO and other higher-level management was missed. For some reason, people in the billions still held on to the archaic belief - maybe out fear of one sort or another or manufactured adherence to old-school traditions or any of the other multitude of ideas on the subject - that it was okay to be treated as commodities and live mostly tired and joyless lives and keep alive the false hope that their tickets were just around the corner, that the almost unendurable toil would eventually pay off, which was great for corporate but not so much for the well being of the individual or his or her family. Talking heads, with perfectly inviting faces and warm timbre in their voices, inside (or outside depending on settings, bandwidth and perspective) digital quantum teleputers across the continent, read the script displayed on the nano teleprompter each had hidden inside their eye:
“Breaking News -
Just three weeks after the tri-national massacre at O.N.A.N.’s First Annual RODEO and the assassination of President Johnny Gentle, the U.S.S. has determined that they have completed their investigation and that no trace of the Crooner-In-Chief has been found. Several eyewitness and video accounts confirmed Commandant Hengemen Beauratski’s hypothesis that the President’s body was completely devoured and that any trace that may have remained was pulverized by the untamed, barbaric creatures stampeding inside the newly-opened arena inside the East Concavity. Preparations for the late great Johnny Gentle’s memorial service are well underway and will be announced soon.”
They then ran 30 seconds of grainy video that showed the feral babies converging on and decimating what appeared to be a brown lump and may or may not have been Gentle’s body. Then they moved on to sound bytes of Commandant Beauratski’s press conference, in which he gave a frame by frame narrative of one of the videos and you could tell, just by the atypical seriousness in his usually jolly face, that he was absolutely convinced of the validity of his story and his hypothesis.
“And now here are the highlights from the Commandant’s speech.”
“From the angle of the disinfected floating stage,”
Appears to be Gentle’s Body,”
And here, babies completely decimating,”
As you can see, there’s nothing left.”
“And now, his closing remarks.”
“…But just because he’s gone and no longer with us doesn’t mean he won’t be missed. Even though this technically happened in Canada this aberration in the form of our fearless leader’s assassination was an assault upon us all. Everyone who believes in the freedom of O.N.A.N was attacked that day. For too long, we have remained complacent but now we are awakened and will hunt down those responsible with as much great vengeance and furious anger as the law allows. We are currently tracking several leads regarding the perpetrator of this heinous act and hope to have a suspect in custody in a matter of days. Make no mistake we will make those responsible pay. This is merely a blip, a minor setback, on the road in our glorious, God-guided path. This hideous crime will in no way stop our newest, greatest tradition since the inception of O.N.A.N.! Let the games continue!” The crowd roared with applause and cheers as the speech ended.
“Coming up after the break, after majority nomination, Rodney Tine Sr. accepts the position of interim P.O.O.N.A.N. with a heavy heart…”
No comments:
Post a Comment