Widow's Journal: Avril's Infinite Snark - Page 1

5 April,  Year of the Trial Size Dove Bar (1)

My legal O.N.A.N. name is Avril Mondragon Tavis Incandenza and this is the first entry in my widow's journal, which if you are now perusing means that I am deceased and you must now refer to me in the past tense. Past perfect, perhaps. You will soon discover that I am - or was - or always have been- or should have been- the heart and soul of  Québecois perfection in every possible way.

One must harbor hope that the Shadow-realm's welcoming committee will have enough largesse and finesse to keep Himself and Myself infinitely out of each other's purview.   Did we not suffer plentifully as husband and wife all those hellish years In Enfield?  Would that said milieu's Master or Mistresses desire to preserve in perpetuity the esprit de corps that an enforcible common domicile would preclude! Oh, I am so not given to exclamatory proclamations but ohhh, THAT MAN! I wish with all my remaining estrogen that I had had the requisite genitalia to excise his map my own self!   I should prefer to eternally relive the sight of James's microwaved brains strewn across my pristine kitchen walls than to observe him leering and sneering in my direction ever again.

That said, before his death our life together had certain irrefutable perquisites. With my reluctant assistance (noblesse oblige, c'est vrai)  James and Charles founded a tennis-based educational empire  in which we expertly raised three splendid sons, each of whom possess unique talents and which in due course have immensely enriched the world. Our eldest son, Orin, is a star football player ( I believe his correct title is Extra-Point Kicker)  and is currently based in Tucson.  (2)   Hal, our youngest, is not just a Tennis Prodigy but an Intellectual GIANT. My heart, however, belongs to my middle son, small-m Mario, who was admittedly somewhat of an unimmaculate conception, given that his biological father was other than his acknowledged one. 

I will carry that secret to my grave. 

It is tacit that every woman requires privacy and must at all costs maintain an aura of dignified mysteriousness. Once she achieves this formidable facade she can then do whatever she damn well pleases (excusez-moi le francais). Which, of course, is exactly what I originally set out to do within the confines of my marriage vows and will continue to do until I am no longer physically capable.

In this journal I shall henceforth detail my adventures, as time and duty permit.

(End of Entry 1)
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(1) Avril became a widow on 1 April YTSDB (IJ p. 286)
(2) She is confused, perhaps due to bereavement? . Orin plays for the Arizona Cardinals as a punter.