He Said, She Said 10: The Rodeo-Dope

'Seriously, Darius? An ONAN Rodeo?' Pox asked, a while back.

'Yeah, why not? It'll be cool, something new, related to IJ themes but also - oh I don't know - original? Unlike the mutant chapters you've been writing lately.'

'Mutant? I haven't written anything approaching mutant! Occasionally paraphrased and examined from other angles, maybe. But purloined and semi- plagiarized, no way! At least not lately.' Pox glares at him ferociously across the miles. If only he could see it, he'd be all quivering in his pointy-toed cowboy boots. His Stetson would be blown off his big hot shiny head.

'Exactly my point. You haven't written anything lately.' Darius seized the opportunity to deflect.

'Let's don't make this about me again, partner. No need to enumerate my shortcomings in public.'

'Okay, okay, don't work yourself up for nothing.'

'Harumph.'

'I'm gonna do it.'

'Do what?'

'Write a rodeo piece. Maybe 2 or 3 of them. And I'm also going to compose an ONAN National Anthem for Johnny Gentle to croon at the event.'

'You're out of your head, partner. People are going to think you're an onanite yourself.'

'I will neither confirm nor deny such allegations,' he retorted with a hidden smirk.

When he first touted the idea like it was something oh so special, Pox thought it was the result of his neuronal synapses having fried in the hot southwestern sun. Poof! That didn't take long. Like he'd been snorting too many dust motes instead of Bing. Then along came Rodeo Part 1 into her inbox. Damn, it was actually pretty good. Not that she'd ever tell Darius that. Nope, no additional swelling of his big head allowed. And then there was another, with the promised anthem. The page views were piling up, twitter was all a-tweet, and Facebook was...well, as usual, annoying as all ONAN.

Pox sighed. It was true, Darius was finally coming into his own. He was getting popular, gaining a following. She reread Rodeo 2 and found herself checking her own map for traces of merriment. There they were. Oh well. He's doing a good job, Pox thought. So she rang him up.

'Darius.'

'Yo, Pox. What up?'

'What's up is your dumbass Rodeo piece #2 . I mean, c'mon, killing off the President? Having convicts jack off in public? You sick bastard.'

Darius is momentarily flummoxed but recovers quickly. 'Why thank you Pox, that just confirms my hunch.'

'Say what?'

'I knew if it offended you, it was cool beans with everyone else.'

'You speak in tongues, Darius.'

' 'Tis true. No worries, Pox. Say, how many page views do we have now? And why did you take the counter off the blog?'

'It's nobody's business, that's why. But if you must know, the count just passed 1,500.'

'I busted my ass for 9 months for 1,500 page views?'

'We're just writing for fun, aren't we? It's not like Pay Per View.'

'...'

'D? Don't get discouraged. It's a good blog. It will catch on one of these days. I bet your Rodeo series will attract thousands of new, erudite, discriminating followers in no time.' Pox knows Darius likes to hear her use big words. It works like a charm.

'You're right, Pox, as always. Well, I better get back to work on Rodeo part 3.' He signs off.  Pox clicks on the PIJ link and checks the stats. 1,500,000 page views. Ka-CHING! Cool beans...whatever that means.