President Johnny Gentle today announced this year's winner of the coveted Yushityu Award for Outstanding Contribution to the O.N.A.N. Economy, a.k.a. 'How Low Can You Go'.
The award goes to I.S.I.S., (the Islamic terrorist group) for managing to do what no other entity has been able to do: by beheading 3 O.N.A.N. and 2 U.K. citizens *(one of whom even converted to Islam in a futile attempt to save his traitorous ass) the price of crude oil has dropped from over $105 bbl at the beginning of YSPDD to today's closing market price of $67.44 bbl. **
Nationwide joy erupted as Oklahoma City became the first place in the continental O.N.A.N. states to sell petrol to the public for $1.99.9 per gallon, a new 4 year low. Other cities are poised to follow suit.
Reports from the automotive consortia confirm that drivers are once again purchasing gas-guzzling SUV's, and even used HumVees are becoming viable alternatives to energy efficient vehicles.
President Gentle stated in his address, 'While the loss of human life is regrettable, the cost-benefit of 5 lives in exchange for a daily savings of $250 million in gasoline costs is irrefutable."
When asked about the long term effects on oil investors, President Gentle crooned, ' Try to see it my way. We can work it out.'
You may watch the beheadings anytime on your favorite teleputer channel. Happy holidays to all!
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* Special thanks to Foley, Sotloff, Haines, & Henning; re: Kassig, win some, lose some.
** Pardon the intrusion of reality. Oil on 15 Dec YSPDD $55.36 bbl.....and on 29 Jan YVASV $44.48.....
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