In his press conference today, R.L. Tine announced that the calendar year 2015 would be subsidized by Velcro, O.N.A.N., Inc., the original and still the best loopy fasteners in the world.
This announcement comes on the heels of the recent re-establishment of diplomatic and economic relations with Cuba, said Tine. 'Citizens all over our nation will once again be able to legally enjoy the pleasures of Havana cigars.'
Rumor has it that this economic coup was in no small part engineered by the Velcro brain trust, which company holds a 100 year patent on their innovative and attractive adjustable smoking veil.
As of January 1, the new subsidized year will henceforth be known as YVASV, Year of the Velcro Adjustable Smoking Veil. Citizens are invited to attend the gala reveal to be held at the base of the Statue of Liberty in New New York harbor. Televideo cartridges of the event will be available for a nominal fee on or before January 31 on all O.N.A.N. teleputer websites and Amazon.
'It's a square deal,' President Gentle reportedly remarked.
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