Infinite News JG Missing???

Gentle Rumored Missing

Timeline: 5 May YSPDD 3, Hoboken, NJ, O.N.A.N

Yesterday evening, president of O.N.A.N ., Johnny Gentle himself is rumored to have gone missing after he made an impromptu appearance  at a local nightclub and used his spectacular silky-deep voice to belt out some of his world-wide musical hits of the past to the entranced and stunned crowd.  Women went faint and even the most ‘hetero’ males were left swooning. 

Since being ‘elected’ by O.N.A.N. residents and becoming the ‘leader’ of the ‘free’ world, Gentle has made an irregular habit of showing up unannounced at small venues with always pleasing results.

When questioned, the President’s spokesman, RL Tine, said that Mr. Gentle thought that it was always a good idea to keep in touch with one’s roots so that one really remembers what and why put him on such a grandiose mission of ‘service’ in the first place.

The President himself never appeared too concerned about his own safety in these unannounced performances but his spokesman said it sure did give his security detail the howling fantods. They were always pleading with him to give them prior notice but the President has said numerous times (excerpt from former stock interview footage follows):

‘Johnny Gentle does what Johnny Gentle does.  You are not Johnny Gentle’s benefactors or who Johnny Gentle is beholden to. If Johnny Gentle wants to connect with the people, Johnny Gentle is not going to plan it. Genuine Johnny Gentle connections won’t be made if all Johnny Gentle’s appearances are staged, especially with their perimeters, the men in dark glasses and snipers up on high. That never ever makes Johnny Gentle comfortable so Johnny Gentle doesn’t see how or why it’d make the people more comfortable. Anyway, Johnny Gentle doesn’t always need a big to do for everything Johnny Gentle does. Doesn’t Johnny Gentle give you great people enough official appearances as it is?’

Today, the rumors of Johnny Gentle’s disappearance could not be verified; apparently no one is in his office because no one is answering any of his office’s teleprompters. Though usually highly improper, Johnny Gentle’s spokesman was contacted on his personal miniteleprompter and though he wouldn’t officially  confirm or deny any of the chattering in the lines he did say that from what he’s heard the stories of the president’s disappearance are highly exaggerated; especially the ones about Mr. Gentle being a captor of the Assassins des Fauteuils Rollents, the Québécois separatist group whose goal is to secede from O.N.A.N. and establish sovereignty for their own personal geographic map. RL Tine also added , before hanging up in disgust at such an intrusion that ran so against protocol, that he hasn’t actually seen the president three dimensional style with his own personal map since last night’s appearance at the club but that that’s also nothing out of the ordinary.